Adolescence is about identity. In fact, Erik Erikson’s psychosocial development theory defines the fifth stage, adolescence, as a battle between identity and role confusion.
This can include experimenting with different styles of dress, tastes in music, friend groups, and even religious views or moral codes. For some kids, it includes trying on new names and even pronouns, while for others, gender isn’t an experiment or something to try on, but something they already have a firm view of for themselves.
It’s the job of adults to support kids as they learn who they are and who they want to be, but increasing legislation in some states is limiting how adults can do this.
Genders, Names, & Identities
Some adults report knowing from a very young age that they were transgender. Other individuals might try out different names and pronouns to see if it feels right, unsure what identity they’ll settle into.
When we talk about ‘transition’ in childhood, or about affirming care, the term typically only refers to allowing the child to use a name, pronouns, and clothing that feel comfortable — not to life-altering medications or surgical procedures, as some alarmists would have you believe.
Trans or not, experimenting with identity is a standard part of adolescence. Sometimes that means Katie Jane tries going by KJ, and the kid who’s been known as “Davy” since kindergarten now says to call him David, and sometimes it means that a child whose legal name is Carol asks to be called Carl instead, or vice versa.
Whether a kid is experimenting with identity or already knows who they are, middle and high school ages are largely about cementing that identity into place — and being forcibly denied it can be painful and damaging.
New Laws Make That Harder Than Ever
Referring back to the hypotheticals above, some adults are determined that Katie Jane’s decision to be called KJ and Davy’s determination to use the more adult-sounding David are acceptable, but that a child whose chosen name doesn’t match their legal gender can’t have the same courtesy.
Now, they’re putting it into law, meaning that even adults who are willing to respect a child’s chosen name can’t do so.
Texas is leading the charge, pushing through legislation that forbids a school from using names that respect a student’s identity, unless their birth certificate also affirms that identity. There, according to the Texas Tribune, a group of supportive parents, teachers, and advocacy groups has banded together to file a lawsuit challenging this legislation.
In Ohio, similar legislation has been proposed. It’s called the Given Name Act, and it forbids teachers from using a “pronoun or title that is inconsistent with the student’s biological sex” without a parent or guardian’s permission, and further requires schools to report to parents if a child asks to use a different name or pronoun.
How This Hurts Kids, Parents, & Teachers
Legislation of the type proposed in Ohio purports to give parents control over their children’s well-being.
It’s designed to ensure that teachers don’t call kids by any name or gender other than their legal one without parents’ permission, and to keep parents informed. That’s a position some (many?) parents favor, although increasing autonomy is an important part of growing up.
That said, for trans kids, having a supportive adult in their life can be literally lifesaving, and unfortunately, for some kids, the Venn diagram of “a supporting adult” and “parent” is two separate circles. Denying a kid the opportunity to have a supportive adult in their life can be damaging and dangerous.
Legislation like that in Texas goes even further, even shoving parents out of the loop. In this case, we have kids whose parents are supportive, yet their teachers are forbidden by law from being allies.
That leaves parents struggling to decide how best to support their kids while sending them to a school that doesn’t provide support, and puts teachers in the unenviable position of choosing between supporting their students and protecting themselves from legal repercussions.
What Can Parents Do?
Keep an open dialogue with your kids and be prepared to support them as they grow and strengthen their identity, whether that identity lands in the LGBTQ spectrum or not. Raise kids who will be accepting and supportive of their fellow students.
Keep an eye on your state’s legislation, and if laws that would prevent teachers from supporting their trans students arise in your area, weigh in. Reach out to your legislators and let them know you care about their vote.
If your child wants to try on a different name, talk to them about what that means to them and how they are prepared to handle people who are not supportive. Reach out to teachers and school staff and let them know you are standing with your child.
Finally, be prepared to stand up for your child if teachers, school staff, or legislators make decisions that could harm them. The most important thing in your child’s life is a supportive adult, and that can always be you.