In a recent TikTok video, creator @heyempoweredmama explains why she’s drawing a firm boundary around school-related holiday obligations this year.
In her video, she says the season reliably brings a flood of requests from her child’s school, which include donations, volunteer slots, sign-up sheets, themed days, and more. While she has participated in the past, this time she’s opting out entirely.
According to her, deciding to say no across the board has been a necessary act of self-preservation. She shares that she’s been managing high-functioning anxiety and already feels stretched thin, and every new request from school feels like one more task added to an overloaded mental to-do list.
With her children’s birthdays also falling around the holidays, she says the extra commitments push her beyond what she can reasonably handle.
The creator stresses that parents shouldn’t feel guilty about stepping back when they’re overwhelmed. She argues that declining isn’t a sign of failing their kids or the school, especially when some parents genuinely enjoy taking on those volunteer roles. For her, releasing the pressure has been liberating.
Here’s the full TikTok video:
We’ve written extensively about “mental load” at Parenting Patch. Whether it’s a spouse or partner adding to that mental load, or just a whole lot of parenting responsibilities, parents often become overwhelmed by the sheer number of activities and responsibilities that go into parenting. Add in the stress of the holiday season, and that’s reason enough to urge parents, especially moms, to take some “alone time” during the holidays to decompress and maintain some semblance of sanity.
Almost immediately after @heyempoweredmama posted her video, there was both support and backlash from parents. Even some teachers jumped into the comments to voice their frustration over the entire lack of volunteer support, or at least, the lack of parental communication when it comes to offering support or letting a teacher know why they can’t help out this holiday season.
TikTok user MercedesBereza (@Bereza Bakes) summed up my personal feelings about this situation perfectly:
Serious question – I understand the teachers in the comments expressing frustration about parents not stepping up to support, but should we maybe be considering just doing LESS extra stuff that creates a mental load for everyone? Maybe do one holiday party…but get rid of the theme days and other stuff? I feel like there’s just MORE of EVERYTHING nowadays and no one is asking if it’s maybe just too much. I understand we all want to make the holidays special for kids. But special can also be simple.
Without calling out users directly, some said their parents were not “involved” enough in their school activities, and that this caused a rift that has led to no or little contact over the years. Others said their parents were not involved in school activities but remained actively involved in their lives in other ways, and they didn’t see how volunteering could have impacted others so negatively.
While some comments bordered on ignoring your own mental load to help your child’s school, I personally appreciated the comment left by teacher Mandy (@mandy_evelyn_e):
I’m a teacher and I get it! This time of year is so busy…and just so you know, we don’t love asking for help either, but we just want to make this time of year special for our students. Something small that you could do that would be really appreciated would be to just let the pto or teacher know, “hey I won’t be able to volunteer my time this year, but I’m happy to send in cash or Venmo to contribute in that way.” Still helpful while keeping your peace.
While not all parents have the means to contribute monetarily, the underlying thought of letting a teacher know you are spread thin and can’t help can go a long way in reducing a teacher’s mental load as they attempt to balance the activities they have planned with the number of volunteers they might expect to show up for their classroom. I spoke to a teacher friend who said that hearing about how overwhelmed a parent is during the holidays can actually give them added perspective on a child’s home life and help provide better attention where needed. They also said that open communication with parents helps them better understand the overall sentiment parents are feeling, so they can more accurately determine the number of activities they have planned for this time of year outside of school-mandated events.
In a follow-up video, @heyempoweredmama adds that the broader issue may not be individual parents opting out, but the sheer volume of holiday activities expected in classrooms this time of year. She suggests that teachers and parents should consider advocating for fewer seasonal obligations overall, noting that the holiday months often become crowded with events and expectations that can overwhelm families and educators alike.
My four children are homeschooled, and we homeschool year-round with a long break from Thanksgiving Day week through the start of the new year. I have to admit that having our kids at home with no additional responsibilities piled on top of the already busy holidays is a blessing for our family. If this mom or any other moms and dads need to take a step back to lessen their mental load and focus more on non-school-based family activities during the holiday season, I personally don’t see an issue with it.